Tuesday, June 18, 2019

What is music?

Music may be one of the most difficult things to define in this world.  It is known as one of the two languages that everyone in the world can understand (the other being math).  Music is defined in the dictionary as "vocal or instrumental sounds (or both) combined in such a way as to produce beauty of form, harmony, and expression of emotion."

Now for a moment here, I'm going to forget about the last "producing" part and just focus on the definition.  Music, to many people, is just sound.  Sound or sounds fitted together to make something desirable to listen to.  To repeat and parody.

Maybe that's what you believe.  Maybe not.  What I'm getting at here is that music has no meaning to the current world we live in.

Saturday, January 20, 2018

Thursday, January 21, 2016

The Road Less Traveled

Quest...There are a lot of feelings and thoughts that I now relate to that word.  I don't even understand it anymore.  It's going to take me a while to complete this, and so this blog may come in late.

Quest is a story, Quest is a lie, Quest is a tale, Quest is a time.  Quest is a space, Quest is a voice, Quest is a failure, Quest is a choice.

Quest is a veil, Quest is conformity, Quest is challenging, Quest is enormity.  Quest is power, Quest is fake, Quest is perfect, Quest is cake. :)

Quest is corruption, Quest is illegal, Quest is purple, Quest is frugal.  Quest is evil, Quest is good, Quest is savage, Quest is food.

Quest is mind, Quest is soul, Quest is following, Quest is a tool.  Quest is truth, Quest is lie, Quest is something that cannot die.  Quest is death, Quest is life, Quest is projects, Quest is strife.  Quest is waiting, Quest is staying, Quest is looking, fighting, playing.

Quest is coping, Quest is fire, Quest is chains and Quest is higher.  Quest is hypocrites, Quest is great, Quest is wonderful, Quest is hate.

Quest is Quest, Quest will live, Quest is here and will never end.

Quest is everything and nothing at the same time, and I don't know what I'm going to do now.  This whole class was a social experiment, and now that we've been isolated from the rest of the district, we feel differently about things and cannot live separated from community and a group that understands us as individuals.

GAH.  THIS IS HARD.

McCallum has become the embodiment of Quest, and I think that every Quest kid respects him and looks up to him.  If you have never had McCallum, you do not know contradicting things in the same sentence and mind-blowing stuff that makes sense and makes your brain hurt *breath*.  End of run-on sentence.  This is really hard for me because I still don't understand Quest.  I've watched seventh grade Quest students go through their English class, and I see similarities everywhere between all the Quest groups.  I've heard from my mom, who was a substitute teacher for second and third grade Quest students, after warning her, what Quest was like.
"I'm subbing for second and third grade Quest."
"Good luck."
"They're just second and third graders!  I'll be fine."  I rolled my eyes and muttered under my breath:
"Wait and see...."
A few days later...
"I had two kids in my class who, whenever they had the chance to be together, would not stop talking!"
"What class were you subbing for?"
"The Quest class."  I glance across the table at my brother and mutter just loud enough for him to hear:
"And it only gets worse from there."  I see my brother nodding along with me in agreement, and we share a secret smile.

Quest is powerful.  It changes people.  You cannot be in Quest and remain unquestioned, unchanged in how you see the world.  Because you will be questioned, and your life will be hard through middle school.  But there is always the light at the end of the tunnel of Quest, and McCallum's class makes up for it all.

NOT ANY EASIER TO WRITE THIS.

I really enjoyed having McCallum as a mentor, especially for my novel writing.  It is especially pleasing when McCallum asks in class: "who wrote for NaNoWriMo?" and to raise my hand and say "thirty-nine thousand words."  McCallum has given me something to work towards - his appreciation and amazement with my work.  I want to impress him and have him say "great job".  His feedback means that I have something that could change the world, and that I want to publish someday so that the world can feel the power of my words and how they impacted McCallum, my 'beta reader'.  He tested the power of my words, and I want others to feel that power.

STILL NOT ANY EASIER.

OK.  Maybe that was a lie, but this was really difficult to write.  I don't understand my Quest identity - I don't think any Quest student understands who they are in Quest.  They just exist in Quest.  They are.  They are the ones who will change the world.

Writing from the heart is difficult, but McCallum encouraged me, and I will keep him as my mentor through the internet until I publish, and then beyond that.

To the North Star, and then straight on 'til morning!

-bookhouse4

GAH.  I'M DONE WITH THIS.

Goodbye Quest.  See you later, alligator.  More references to things that don't make sense.
One word: Quest.  Confusion.  Two words...
I'll shut up now.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Irish Gaelic: Lifelong Learning



My family is Irish and German.  My mom is almost entirely German, and my dad is half Irish and half German.  I've always been really interested in my heritage, especially the Irish piece of it because my Grandmother is completely Irish and loves to visit Ireland.  She also likes to share interesting things about the people there.  One of her lifelong wishes is to be able to speak Gaelic (Irish), but now she is in her seventies and doesn't think that she will ever be able to learn it.  I found that this project was the perfect time to learn Irish, since I'm already taking German in school.

I also wanted to learn Irish because in one of my latest novels, a main character speaks it as his second language, and it is the only language that can pass the Curse that has bound him since birth, and only because it is ancient and powerful in breaking spells.  Google Translate can only do so much, and so I was using that to find the correct Irish.  I now know that Google Translate is wrong on words about 90% of the time (at least for Irish and other extinct or endangered languages), and so I decided that not only would I learn Irish for my Grandmother and for my book, I would learn it to improve Google Translate for others.

When I started, I started on Duolingo, a free language-learning site with extremely helpful game-like setup that encourages you to learn your words well in order to complete the lesson faster.  The only background knowledge I had was that 'I love you' in Irish was written 'Is breá liom thú' on Google Translate.  Now I know that the translation I was given is incorrect, and 'I love you' is actually 'is aibionn liom tú' - what Google Translate said was right is actually extremely incorrect and needs to be corrected by someone who knows the language.

After a few weeks of Duolingo, I began to put the words and rules that I had learned on the site into a presentation, realizing that I would need to start early in order to put everything important into a condensed presentation.  It was actually really hard to break down a language that was endangered - and didn't have much explanation of terms on Duolingo - into simple pieces.  I worried and deleted things and looked over every slide so many times before I finally decided that I was ready to present - and I still think that the presentation has too many words in it and could be condensed more so that it is not thirty-some slides long.

The presentation took me about fourteen minutes to give, and afterwards I wasn't proud of how I had done, but I did learn a lot about Irish - and now I can use that knowledge to fix Google Translate's errors, write a novel with Irish correctly used in it, and impress my Grandma with my knowledge on the language.

All in all, I think that I really loved learning Irish, and I love the language - it is really beautiful, and even though the words look odd to English speakers, it is the heritage and historical language of the Irish people.

Slán!

-bookhouse4

Monday, January 18, 2016

There's Nothing 'Civil' About a 'Civil War', and No 'Civilization' With Savagery



Being civil in our society is not as valued as it used to be.  Chivalry used to be a big thing, and it was encouraged for young men to be chivalrous to women in order that they my treat their future wife in the same gentle way.  There are two definitions for civil - one means "civil and polite", and the other is "of or relating to ordinary citizens and their concerns, as distinct from military matters".

A Civil War is far from Civil - it is the end of civilization and the beginning of vicious, animal savagery.  It is the split of a nation, and breaking democracy and all things that unite, and therefore does not fall under normal citizens and their concerns, because a war is between governments, and their tin soldiers that are no longer human - they become numbers.  All soldiers are numbers once they step onto the battlefield.  Casualty numbers, ranks, coordinates that they are located at...the list goes on.

People in a war are no longer people.  We refer to them as a group - a faceless group who dies off and where people are killed,  but it is just a group.  Civilians are just "civilians" or "civilian casualties".  They aren't specific people.
We put a certain meaning on these things, but the deaths are a passing thing and mean nothing to us.  It's an unreal situation when someone dies - whether in war or someone close to us.  William Golding explains it well - after all the boys kill Simon when Ralph and Piggy are talking: Ralph continued to rock to and fro.  "It was an accident," said Piggy suddenly, "that's what it was.  An accident."  His voice shrilled again.  "Coming in the dark-he had no business crawling like that out of the dark.  He was batty.  He asked for it."..."You didn't see what they did-" (157).

The boys start to convince themselves that they were never in the circle that killed Simon, even though they are just as guilty as all the rest of the boys who have turned savage.  They convince everyone else around them that they were on the outside and didn't take part in the dance.  The thing becomes 'an accident', as Piggy says (Golding 157), and the boys force themselves to believe that it never happened and was all a dream.  Any death takes on a surreal quality - even the death of something as small as the death of a wild animal.  There seems like a sacred line that cannot be crossed unless you are cruel.

I cannot stand blood, though I write about it in my books.  Blood means life, and it also shows the absence of life.  Killing an animal, to me, is crossing the line from civil to savage.  Now, I'm not talking about the meat we eat for food - that is fine with me because I don't see it done and it is done for food.  I'm talking about the brutal killing of something just for sport.  Most people when they hunt, hunt to get venison or meat as well as hides and pictures and antlers.  What I see as savage is poaching.  That is falling into the cold-blooded killing of a being without good reason to kill except for evil black market money.

In Lord of the Flies, the killing of the sow (Golding 135) illustrates this savagery perfectly.  When the boys go hunting, they don't really go hunting for meat.  They could just eat fruit and they would survive just fine without the meat, but instead, they go hunting, and when they find the sow and are ready to strike the killing blow, they torture her and stab her for a long time just to see her blood.  They don't end her pain swiftly as most hunters would do, but purposely try to bring her pain before they kill her.  When they finally do kill her, though, the exhilaration fades quickly and soon they are back to hunting for food and not for sport.  The urge to injure and hurt overpowers them, and the savagery overpowers the civility they might have once had when they might have just killed the pig straight away and not tortured her.  There can be no civility where savagery reigns.

I think that killing pigs is a way for Jack to look superior because he can hunt and Ralph cannot (image), but also because he has a thirst for blood.  He wants to kill because some primal urge in him is pushing him to 'turn to the dark side' and kill only for the exhilaration of killing something (savagery).  This is also what pushes him and the boys to beat Robert: Presently they were all jabbing at Robert who made mock rushes.  Jack shouted.  "Make a ring!"  The circle moved in and around.  Robert squealed in mock terror, then in real pain...the butt end of a spear butt fell on his back as he blundered among them...They got his arms and legs.  Ralph, carried away by a sudden thick excitement, grabbed Eric's spear and jabbed at Robert with it.(Golding 114).

At this point in the story, I thought that Robert would be killed, because the boys then chant "kill him!  Kill him!" and Robert begins to struggle.  What is strange is how the boys, after this point when they realize that they want to kill someone (and almost kill Robert), they go straight to 'that was a good game' as Jack says (Golding 115).  They don't seem to want to admit that they are turning savage, though the evidence of their savagery is everywhere.  They don't care about the conch anymore.

It only has power for Piggy and Ralph, and Jack says that it doesn't work on the side of the island that he controls: "And the conch doesn't count at this end of the island-" (Golding 150).  They want to kill and hunt more, and they even make a 'tribe' where Jack says they will have fun.  They call him Chief, even though they elected Ralph chief, and all are referred to as savages.  They lose their identity and names and become just 'savages'.  They no longer know who they are, and are fully inducted into the savage tribe, where their identity is.  Even their chant betrays their true inner feelings and how swayed they have been by blood and savagery: "Kill the pig!  Cut his throat!  Kill the pig!  Bash him in!" (Golding 114).  Or as seen when they do their dance that kills Simon: "Kill the beast!  Cut his throat!  Spill his blood!" (Golding 152).

Once savagery begins to take root, then civilization ceases to exist and order is replaced by chaos.  It is almost impossible to fix and change back to order again.  Just as it is difficult to move from one end of the good and evil alignment chart (provided here for your benefit), it is hard to move from chaos to order, and from savagery to civilization.


The only thing that is not hard to do is make a good person evil and change a good civilization into a savage one.  The easiest way to do that is to create a 'civil' war as Ralph and Jack did in Lord of the Flies.

-bookhouse4

Sources:

  • Lord of the Flies by William Golding
  • The picture on the right -->
  • Google definitions

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Hopeful In Fear: Stories of the Value of Hope and Fear



Hope.  The light at the end of the tunnel.  Lots of people think that hope is just another word, like what we've made love into.  It's meaningless.  All is meaningless.  "Love" is just a word in the English language.  In Greek there are six different words for love - they all mean different things.  The different words are eros, philia, ludus, agape, pragma, and philautia.  Love in our language is just a word.

Hope shouldn't be just a word.  Hope is so much more.  I'll begin by telling a story, because that is what I love to do.  Stories can be more powerful than articles, which are what most blog posts are.  This is different.

Disclaimer: I made these stories up to illustrate a point.  Some of the following stories are based off of historical occurrences, and some stories may be based off of current events.  Don't take them seriously.  They are not facts.  They are just ideas.

Story #1 - Based off the Graphic Novel MAUS (I and II)

Pain ends pain ends pain ends, the terrified woman thought to herself.  It was the time that people would later refer to as World War II, and the young woman was trapped in a concentration camp called Auschwitz.  The Auschwitz motto over the gate was "ARBIET MACHT FREI" or "work makes one free".  It was a lie.  Every day the woman lived in constant fear of everything that might happen to her.  There was the fear that if she didn't stand right, then the Nazis would kill her, and there were many more fears like it.  It was a horrible existence.  She didn't know whether she would live or die.  The only hope she held was of escaping the camp - that and the fact that her husband was in the other Auschwitz camp.  He was waiting for the war to end.  He had planned to get transferred to her camp as a worker, so they could see each other (Spiegelman 56)

It was love, but yet something about it made it seem like it was obligatory.  That the love was to prove something to the world.  It was beginning to feel fake.  The woman didn't want it to be, but there was no mistaking it.  This was a fear she carried with her, or at least she thought it was fear...

What she actually felt was anxiety.  An overwhelming, crushing thing that wanted to destroy her.  Anxiety is the worrying about something that is just a rumor or that may happen, but is not guaranteed.  Fear in the Auschwitz camp is fear, because the Jews knew the consequences for doing something that the Nazis had "outlawed", but the fear of thinking that your husband doesn't truly love you is anxiety because it might not be true.  You just worry that it is true (Godin 1).

As told in MAUS, Vladek Spiegelman and Anja, his wife, are struggling to keep a relationship and each other alive so that they can be together after the war.  They seem to have such a great relationship, but it seems a bit overdone, and Anja doesn't accept all of the food that Vladek sneaks to her.  Soon after they see each other for the first time since they were transferred to the concentration camps, Vladek is beaten because he spoke to Anja.  This became a fear for him - that he would be beaten again or that Anja would get beaten but wouldn't survive (Spiegelman 56).

Story #2 - Based off The Lady or the Tiger

You stand in an arena, surrounded by the subjects of the kingdom.  You stand charged of loving the daughter of the king.  He has devised a test to figure out how to punish people who are charged of doing wrong.  Behind you are two doors.  One has behind it a lady, whom you will marry if you pick her door.  The other has an enraged, starved tiger behind it.  If you pick that door, then you will be dead in an instant.  You stare up at the king and his daughter.  The king is about to announce that you need to pick a door.  Everyone knows the procedure, but the king wants to reiterate it just in case anyone happened to miss it, and also for formality.  Your eyes turn toward your lover.  You know that they know which door the lady and the tiger stand behind - they probably found out as soon as it was announced that you were to stand trial.

They point a finger, very casually and secretively, to the right.  Not a trace of doubt clouds your vision as you turn and walk to the door on the right to open it.  You know that your lover chose for both of you what was best, and even though you don't know what is behind the door, you know that your lover made the right decision.  As you open the door, something shifts in the shadows...
But what was behind the door?  Were you killed in an instant, or were you married?  There is no storybook ending to this, where the lady behind the door is really the princess, who disguised herself and tied up the lady that was supposed to be there.  And the tiger is not tamed.  The doors and the rooms behind them are filled - that you know for sure.  There is no chance of the tiger's room being empty, and there is no chance that neither of them are filled.
What did they choose?  This question haunts your steps as you walk.  Your lover just decided your fate.  What did they choose?  It echoes in your mind as your hand closes on the handle to the door on the right.  It is agonizing to wait in suspense.

And what did you want them to choose?  Death by the tiger so that you didn't have to marry the woman, or the woman so that you did not have to die?
In the story The Lady or the Tiger, this scenario is played out.  There is fear on both sides - for both you and your lover.  The princess is afraid for losing her would-have-been husband - whether it be by the marriage of you to another lady (whom the princess is jealous of and hates), or through death by tiger - and you are terrified that they made the decision that you didn't want.  But first you have to figure out this: what did the man want, in the story?  Death, or marriage and life?
There is hope that the princess chose life for you, and there is fear that they chose death.  Everyone is afraid of death, until they are in a situation where they will inevitably die.  Frank Richard Stockton says this in the story: Every heart stopped beating, every breath was held, every eye fixed immovably upon that man.  Without the slightest hesitation, he went to the door on the right, and opened it (7).

Hope is powerful, and fear is powerful.  Sometimes they seem like almost the same thing.  You cannot have hope without fear.  Fear controls you until you believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and there is a way out.  Sometimes it seems like you have to sacrifice more to win that hope, but there are always sacrifices.  As Kurt Vonnegut explains in All the King's Horses, "Necessity, like a child counting eeny, meeny miney, moe around a circle, pointed its finger at the one chessman who could be sacrificed.  There was only one" (16).

Story #3 - from All the King's Horses by Kurt Vonnegut

In the story, an American Colonel is forced to play a game of chess against the Asian warlord Pi Ying - but his chess pieces are his own men, and when they are captured by the warlord, they are immediately killed.  Soon there are only a few of the Colonel's men left, as well as his wife and twin boys.  Suddenly the Colonel sees that the only way he can win the game and put Pi Ying in check is to offer a sacrifice to bait the warlord.
Colonel Kelly begins to think of the one person to be sacrificed as only x in a "mathematical proposition", and then sees the hope - he may get out alive, with everyone else, if he sacrifices that one person.  He no longer feels fear of losing the one, but the hope of getting the rest of them out alive.
Margaret, the Colonel's wife, feels something entirely different.  She is consumed by the fear of losing her sons, and so her actions, had she been in the place of Kelly, would have killed them all and left them no hope of escape.  I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say here, but the two emotions are powerful.  They can be hard to define, but fear and hope are two of the most powerful emotions in the world (in my opinion, the other three are faith, love and courage/bravery.  Feel free to dispute the connection between the last two words, I am not going to go there).

Story #4 - based off of Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand

Prisoners of war, trapped in Japan, face fears every day.  The fear of being beaten.  The fear of a psycho camp commander.  All these fears raise anxiety to a point that is unbearable.  Yet some POWs were able to stand and have courage in the face of death, danger, and fears.

In Unbroken, Mutsuhiro Watanabe (or "the Bird") terrifies all the prisoners with his unexpected outbursts.  Suddenly they have fears that if they do something, the corporal will beat them or even kill them.  This leads to anxiety about everything, which may be how some soldiers who fought in wars end up with PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).  Those soldiers who have it are scarred and constantly wary.

During World War II, there was a Japanese corporal who was very abusive and would lash out for no reason at all against the Prisoners of War in his camp.  One time, a man mentioned the word "gangway!" to clear his men out of the corporal's way, and was then beaten.  Then Watanabe had a change of heart and apologized, but then changed his mind yet again.  "After Bush went to bed, Watanabe returned and forced him to his knees.  For three hours, Watanabe besieged Bush, kicking him and hacking off his hair with his sword.  He left for two hours, then returned again.  Bush expected to be murdered.  Instead, Watanabe took him to his office, hugged him, and gave him beer and handfuls of candy and cigarettes.  Through tears, he apologized and promised never to mistreat another POW.  His resolution didn't last.  Later that night, he picked up a kendo stick...and ran shrieking into a barracks, clubbing every man he saw" (Hillenbrand, 158).

Fear can control us, but hope can reach past it, even though hope isn't always a good thing (as illustrated in All the King's Horses).  You can't have hope without fear, and you cannot have fear without hope for something better.  When you have fear, you look for hope, but when you have hope, you do not look for fear.  You are still hopeful and do not want to leave.

These emotions can be powerful, but hope and fear can be a choice as well.  They can be instincts, or things that nag at the back of your mind, but they are still powerful.

  

-bookhouse4

Sources

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

A Cave, Luxury, and Justice Today


"And now," I said, "let me show in a figure how far our nature is enlightened: -Behold! human beings living in an underground den, which has a mouth open towards the light and reaching all along the den; here they have been from their childhood, and have their legs and necks chained so that they can not move, and can only see before them, being prevented by the chains from turning round their heads.
"Above and behind them a fire is blazing at a distance, and between the fire and the prisoners there is a raised way; and you will see, if you look, a low wall built along the way, like the screen which marionette players have in front of them, over which they show puppets..." (Plato, Book VII The Republic pg 177)

Here's what that kind of looks like:



Allegory of the Cave: Greatest, most repeated idea ever.  People in cave, looking at shadows that they think are real, then someone comes in and frees someone and shows them the light outside the cave, and then...AAAAAAUUUGGGGHHH I'M BLINDED BY THE TRUTH LIGHT!  SOMEONE HELP ME!!!

That's just my summary of it.  If you really want to know what the 'Allegory of the Cave' is, then go here to see more of what it's about and what I'm going to be talking about (this is to anyone who just happens to stumble upon this blog post).

I think that there is a parallel between the Allegory of the Cave and how our education system works.  The Cave is where we are when we enter school and learn the shadows of things along with everyone else.  We aren't told the whole truth, but we are all given shadows of truth to watch.  When we enter Quest, that all changes.  Suddenly we see things that weren't there before, like the truth behind who Christopher Columbus really was (horrible guy - why does he have his own day?), and what justice truly is (I'll get to this later in this post).  In Quest, we are advanced, and so the world of our knowledge and understanding that we thought was expanding is actually changing from darkness and shadows into light.  We go from knowing shadows of things to seeing the light outside the Cave - sometimes so brightly that it hurts our eyes, our heads, AND challenges our hearts.

It is then that we realize that we were not told everything, and we try to go back into the Cave to bring others out.  Sometimes we just scare and confuse them, but sometimes what we say catches their interest, and they want to understand what we understand.  Then we can bring those people into the light and show them the truth, and they become "Quest", even if they are technically not in the Quest class.

Quest can be the guardians going into the Cave to save others, but we need to approach the others - who are left in the Cave - the right way.  This is difficult, because we often feel the temptation to ridicule and insult and "win" over the other side, which just pushes them away from our point of view and pulls them closer to their shadowy point of view.

The Cave is only one subject that is hard to understand.  The other that I am choosing to talk about is the idea of luxury.  In The Republic, Glaucon dislikes Socrates' state (called the city of pigs), because everyone in it gets the bare essentials and only works for what they need to survive every day.  Glaucon wants the people to have more than enough food and materials so that they can have luxury items like those brought from other states.  Luxury can be good - it can up self esteem and the wealth of the city, but luxury also makes justice really hard because everyone has a different level of luxury.

Not everyone is on the same plain.  Some people have more than the standard, and some have less.  Luxury means that in order to keep fights from breaking out between those with more and those with less, there must be justice to say what is right and wrong.  Luxury without justice is dangerous.

In our society, there must be justice so that we know when someone has overstepped their "place" in society.  Those who are poor cannot become rich by stealing from the greater people, and those who are rich cannot steal from the poor to increase their riches and wealth, because that is unjust and against the law.  Sometimes they cannot even give away their money to help certain causes because the causes are unjust, or people say "why are you giving money to that cause when you could be helping this cause?" or something like that.

Justice brings the possibility of bad justice to come about, though, which adds another layer of complexity to the already-complex idea of justice.

What more people need to understand is this: justice is impossible.  No one can be truly just.  It's just too hard to be "just", and when you are, you do not live a happy life.  You cannot have perfect justice - ever.  People will always be faced with hard decisions (people who are supposed to be 'just'), and they will never be able to make the perfect decision that is completely just and that every person will accept.  Even if we did retaliate every time there was a murder of someone of another race, we have to understand that justice will never be fully served.  Leaders cannot please everyone.  Not everyone will always be happy with decisions, but it is (sometimes) impossible to change those decisions.  We can protest, but if the government and their "justice" doesn't agree with what you are doing, then you will have to live with their decision.  They may even label YOU "unjust", but there is nothing you can do.

Justice can never be perfect.  That is what people need to understand so that the world can be a better place.

-bookhouse4

Sources:
  • The Republic  by Plato
  • Class discussions
  • Something that I'm currently blanking on - sorry